Apr. 11, 2015

Watching them go...Life..Part 3

When you have children, your day is often dependent on their needs, their temperament, their health, and every meal probably should be based on nutritional requirements (hahahaha)…So here I sit, after 25 years of parenting four children, and the last one is nearing 18, I’m at a whopping “what now” plateau.  As I await the next year and half to pass, I wonder what the new me will do. I had my first son as a teenager, a young teenager, I’ve known no life without kids, and I am beginning to wonder what my everyday will now look like.

I have wrapped my entire being into motherhood. Whether I did a good or bad job, it was still the job I had. I have many that will tell me I did fine and a couple others that will make me question everything I did at every turn. I had a family that supported me and others that really didn’t. I had years of being a single mom, then years of learning to be a married mom. I graduated high school, then college, worked my way into the corporate arena, then took a couple years to just stay home and be a mom. I re-entered the work force after those years, then made some personal choices about work that more closely parallel my desires as a family woman. I now work full time, with excellent hours that allow me to cater to my family and home, and just relax when needed.

This is my story. What is written between the lines? How did I manage the trials of parenthood, and what could I have done different (not because I was a bad mom, but because there is always room for improvement and hind sight is 20/20) Did we combine our families well, did we allow outside interferences to put cracks in the foundation we were trying to build? My son once said, “Mom, the only thing you did wrong was not be strict enough.” Huh! And Wow! He is right, this, again, is a hind sight issue. If only, if only..if only.

As a woman, a woman who has dealt with bipolar disorder for the better part of her life, I’ve struggled to balance all the balls of daily living. What I know, is that I’m not alone. Even those out there with the disguise of ‘most well put together, organized, and able’, have fought the waves of life. You can’t play pretend forever; eventually the balls come falling down. As I prepare my mind and my heart for the next phase of life, one that doesn’t include school work, football practice, chores, and doing everything I can to teach character, respect, honor and discipline, to name a few, I also give thanks. For while I taught those life lessons (even if they didn’t stick), I was actively participating in a new life, a new contribution in this world. I am thankful that no matter what my age when I started the momma journey, God trusted me and led me through each tunnel, up every mountain, down every hill and around every bend. He listened while I ranted, caught every tear, laughed along with every laugh and answered many, many prayers along the way.

Without God, where would we be? How would a mom of today’s society make it through? We are certainly battling some outside elements, and I know, at least for me, the boxing gloves are getting heavy, my mind is tiring of trying to figure things out and my legs are exhausted from running! Without God’s ever present help in these times, I’d have been crushed years ago, and as broken as fine china hittin concrete!  Whatever the future holds, I know I am capable, because I’ve made it through this!