Jun. 6, 2016

My Darkest Place..

I've met my darkest place. I traveled through some weird tunnel, that I have a faint memory of, to get there.

It began when I took a position in the E.R. working grave yard shifts. In case you aren't aware, sleep deprivation and bipolar aren't close friends, as a matter of fact, I'm not sure they're friends at all!

Slowly 'the change' began.

I was taking risks that I'd not taken in years. I was fueling myself with drinks like red bull. I was moving at a pace that would eventually bring every part of my life to the darkest time I'd yet to encounter.

In those days, locked behind doors of a mental hospital, I never felt more alone. I had messed my life up with this manic episode. My bills were being neglected, I almost lost my car! I had separated from my husband. I hadn't been to church in months, with the life I was living, I couldn't go. This was my first mistake!

Then, in walked a pastor and his team, just to lead us 'crazy people' in a worship service. Right there in the middle of the psych wing. I had no idea anyone cared enough to lead us in worship from these imprisoned walls.

You see, even in my darkest place, God was there, and he sent some of his beloved to love a bit on me.

The words we sang..
"As the deer pants for the water,
so my soul longs after you"..

I realized I can chase many things when in a manic state, or I can chase after Jesus Christ. I made a decision that day to run full force toward my Savior.

His love never fails.


**This blog discussion in no way is meant to replace a diagnosis, treatment plan or help of a professional doctor or counselor. If you are in need of medical help, I advise you to seek the assistance of your medical team immediately.