Out of the darkness I rose. It was truly a triumphant moment. I heard the words, I stepped out and forward. I chose Christ in a single moment of surrender. For a year He had been calling; for a year I waivered back and forth. Not in doubt of His ability and desire to love me, but in doubt of my ability to be loved and desired. In doubt that I could be forgiven, and that I was wanted.
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound”.
Indeed, grace became a word that meant the world to me. Grace. His grace. I didn’t have to do a thing to earn it, yet God’s grace was mine, if I would step out and believe in Him.
“That saved a wretch like me.”
I had no idea what a wretch was back then. But I certainly knew it wasn’t a good thing. I was a wreck, a disaster created by life circumstances at a young age. Abuse had taken its toll. I was a textbook example of the product of such things, things I won’t elaborate on. I was a ticking time bomb for aggression, depression and obsession! All of which slowly reared their ugly power over the course of my young adult life.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me.
Saved sounded good. .A new life.. Reborn into a new beginning.. a beginning that didn’t include the fear, pain, or sorrow of a lost childhood. I think those first steps were the hardest of my life. I needed to believe that I was this child I was learning about, His child, God’s child. And though I didn’t know how to begin this transformation, I was willing to step out and trust Him to do this new work in me. A new mind, a new heart and a new way of living sounded amazing.
We seek many things during our lifetime. We seek freedom from an early age. I think back to the days my kids could sit up, but not crawl. It was a frustrating time for them, as they wanted mobility more than anything. Our days were a little happier when they mastered crawling, then walking. We seek friendship and belonging among our peers, starting in preschool. We seek acceptance and praise from our parents, teachers and public eye. Have you ever sat and talked with a preschooler? They share their good news of anything with you, just so you can lend them positive words of praise.
We seek success, calm, comfort or a ‘higher purpose’, and we’ve all heard of those seeking to ‘find themselves’. After 20 years of fear, I was seeking nothing more than safety, I was looking for something beyond that. For the dark times would still come, what I was seeking was a light to get me through.
God’s grace is an amazing gift of love. The idea of “being saved” isn’t as wide spread as I remember from years past. Without it being talked about regularly, I fear the concept and meaning are slipping away as well. The urgency has faded. How can we ignite a movement into understanding grace and salvation without having that deep urgency within our own hearts? Are we still seeking Him like we did those days that led to our personal decisions for Christ? Are we as excited and energized to grow His kingdom as we were then?
We are called to seek His will, seek is wisdom, His kingdom, His righteousness. In seeking all these things, we are living for a marvelous God, who has set us apart to do His work during our time here. He calls us where we are, we seek Him daily for the rest of our life for two reasons- to grow in our relationship with Him, and to introduce our powerful God to a world in desperate need.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.