Depressed.

It truly is a lonely word.  As I think of ways to describe it, that is the first thing that comes to mind. Lonely.  Of course, if you have ever experienced being depressed, you know the many other waves of ‘feelings’ that emerge-Sad, down, despondent, discouraged- to name a few.  You slowly go through the motions of each day- and though you are still exhausted, there is now a shift from the feeling of devastated-and being exhausted- in depression, often times, you no longer care.  You may not comb your hair, or eat normally.  You have lost interest in going out, or talking to your friends, and now God. You cry more than you realized you had tears for, and you witness your own outbursts at the drop of a dime.

Though the fight is long, and hard, God must be your focus through this difficult time.  For to end a depression of the spirit- you are in need of restoration!  God has specialized in the art of renewal and redemption from the beginning of time. You are not his exemption.  While we are broken, He still sees in us, his glorious masterpiece, His beautiful creation.  If you will allow him the opportunity, your God will gladly help you to refocus and take part in his recovery plan!

Let’s revisit the Psalmist, David:

Psalm 51:10-12

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
 and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (emphasis mine)

Knowing that David prayed to be renewed leaves me feeling hopeful and encouraged, the very opposite of depressed.  You don’t renew and restore something that isn’t broken!  Like many others in the bible, we learn that the feeling of depression has always been around.  Like those in scripture, we, too, must seek God to be lifted, and stay in a deep relationship with Him through our darkest days.  If all we have is a surface exchange with our Lord- how can he ever penetrate the depths of our heart and mind.

God has purposed you for far more than devastation, defeat or depression.  He can use these fragments of your life to form your salvation journey, but He never wants you to stay here.  Jesus died for a purpose, and the day He rose, lives were changed forever.  Including yours!

(Depression is a very serious condition- if you feel you need help, please reach out to your pastor, clergy member or doctor. God will use them to help you through!)

Defeated - we use it when we lose and we use it when we win.  In the case of trauma, we tend to start with the losing side.  We are crushed by the pain, conquered by the mental stress, and overcome with grief in ways we didn’t know existed. 

Defeat is a powerful word.  Often it implies finality to a battle- an outcome not expected or desired. Slowly the physical strain of the situation surfaces, we find ourselves tired, emotionless, drained of life.  Though, as Christians, this is opposite of everything we know in Christ.  We have to search daily for reminders of who we are, because we have slowly begun to lose sight of this.  We have to seek Him through every breath.

However, God doesn’t want us to use this word on the losing side of a battle.  He wants to join us as we cheer, “The enemy is defeated, Glory Hallelujah!”  When you make the decision to follow Jesus, you make the decision to accept, not that battles won’t surface, but that you will never be alone in them!  We have many examples of ‘feeling defeated’ throughout scripture- Job is usually the one people go to first.  Even James used the life experiences of Job to help others:

James 5:10-11

Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

When we keep our focus on God, we build up our endurance. Being able to tolerate and be capable of the patience trauma, of any kind, requires.  God’s love is so much more than an emotion.  It is a tool He gives us to have courage, stamina, and strength.  His loves is what enables us to persevere through the hardships we encounter.  In this, we then can proclaim that He, who lives in us, has defeated the enemy. He, who lives in us, has defeated the pain, the sorrow, and the anger. We no longer need to experience the word defeated as losing a battle and being broken, our God alone puts us on the winning side of that word!

I’m not an expert with a degree! I’m an authentic survivor of life.  Just like you, I have encountered struggles and triumphs. Like you, I learned that we will encounter many experiences on our walk, and they may not all be pleasant, some downright evil.  Take a short walk with me on the beginning to what I hope may bring you a step closer to healing.

As I meditated on this not foreign, complex concept, I came up with some simple ideas. Healing is a process, so let's start with what I call step one-The beginning.

Devastated- destroyed or demolished.

In the midst of a broken heart- through loss, abuse, neglect, divorce, affair, runaway child, illness- whatever it may be for you- we start here.  We are still standing, but we feel an ache deep inside, our trust has been shattered, we've lost a loved one or someone has trampled on us in a way that briefly demolishes our spirit.

You are not alone!

Read David’s words-

Psalm 143:6-8

 I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

The use of fail in this verse is referring to being exhausted. We haven’t failed in that we reached a finish line last!  When trials come, we lose our vigor.  As the psalmist writes- “Do not hide your face from me” we, too, need to pray these words.  As you walk your journey of trials, it is imperative that you remain on speaking terms with God. This is NOT the time to play the silent treatment.  He is waiting to walk with you, or carry you, He is always available, but you have to keep communicating with him.

Devastated is not what our God has in store for you. While you see your situation in one way, He sees it another. It is your story, but it all represents a tapestry of His victory.  As long as we remain in Him, we open our hearts and minds to His guiding light, and we are willing to take a breath and say “I still believe in You, Father, do not hide your face from me.” He will be that support you desperately need in a time of brokenness. Our God has an amazing ability to take your demolished heart, and rebuild it in ways that only He can! To Him, entrust your life!

Please stay tuned for the next 5 devotionals in the series!

This week I was introduced to Baby Kate. Little Kate had been exposed to a virus while in her mother’s womb, and within 3 days of being born, her liver failed.  After 2 liver transplants, things had looked up, and then suddenly took a turn down.  A critical artery had fused to her intestine, causing internal bleeding, and this beautiful family had to say goodbye to their Baby Kate.  I was touched as the mother relayed the story on social media, and my heart ached as I received the news that sweet Kate did not make it.  I don’t know this family, but I feel so much for their loss and pain. 

What amazed me more than anything was the strength of Baby Kate’s mother.  She was a true inspiration of faith as she walked this journey with God.  I went back and read her remarkable story, and I could feel her commitment to God throughout the entire walk. She never faltered.  And today, as she struggles, as she prays, as she feels sadness, or possibly anger at the whys..of the situation, she remains strong in her faith, and makes sure to convey that to us all.  She is a gentle spirit, and as she holds her own family, and they hold her, I can only pray for them all, and I can smile to know that God will get them through.

I wonder now, more than ever, what must Mary have felt as she watched her son beaten, bleeding, hands placed on a cross, and nails hammered through the skin and bones, until finally, they raised the cross and she had to sit and watch him hanging high above.  What pain must have overcome her heart, and what restraint this woman of God portrayed?

I close my eyes and picture myself going toe to toe with a Roman guard or two, sword and all! We know the roles of women have changed, society has changed. The heart of a mother has not changed.  The connection a mother has to her child, never changes. What I felt the day I told God he could take my son, and the day Baby Kate’s mother had to say goodbye to her precious little girl, may not ever compare to the day Mary watched as her adult son was mocked, completely subjugated to the men that first beat him, then hung him on that cross to die.  I still believe God allowed us to know Mary as the mother of Jesus, because it makes it very real to us.  If you are a parent, you understand, though never fully, what it means to give your life. 

While we attempt to form a deeper understanding into what God chose to do when he sent His son, to watch him die on that cross, we still will never fully comprehend it.  He knew the entire time, what his son’s purpose was.  Jesus knew what his own purpose was.  Could we ever have a child, just to know of the physical anguish and death to come? God was able to see beyond, where our eyes are not able.

Can we take that insight we’ve been privileged with, and do we then know what our real purpose is.  God doesn’t ask each of us to get on a cross to die, but he asks us all to take up our cross daily, so that we might live in Him.  The death of surrendering one’s self is about a choice to leave it all, sacrifice it all, and follow Him.  Are we willing? We are certainly able.

I recently was able to go and see the movie, “God’s Not Dead”.  It was a wonderful film, and I am glad I saw it when I did.  As God so often does, I found a message within the theme of that movie just for me. I love when our eyes are wide open, and we are able to see things in ways our loving Father needs us to.

As I continue on my walk in faith, I keep thinking, I am meant to reach someone, meant to share my life with someone, meant to speak to the many.  As I left that theatre yesterday, God revealed something very amazing to me.  While I’m busy waiting to do something more, He said to me, “I’ve been using you to reach the many all along.”

We don’t see it that way at times.  We don’t think that the trials we go through, or the joys, the ups and downs, the tears and the laughter, all are ways he uses us along the way!  While we are busy waiting to be presented to a world in some master plan of look what he has done, we overshadow the fact that we are in the master plan showing the world what He is doing!  We are sharing Him, sharing His love, each moment.  When we cry from disappointment, and still praise His name, we are carrying out His plan. When we pray for others in need, when we hug or kiss someone to celebrate a blessing, when we sit and talk to others through life’s challenges- this is His master plan.

When we wake up in the morning, and step up out of that bed, He is already seeing his plan come to pass.  This morning when the young lady somehow managed to hit me while she sat behind me at the stop sign, it was His master plan.  He knew I was going to get frustrated (ya, forgiven- not perfect)- but He also knew I was going to tell the young lady I hope her day was better.  Perhaps she needed those few words of hope?

When we choose Jesus, we immediately step into His plan.  We don’t have a choice on that.  He begins to take the fragments of our lives, the past, the current, the future only He knows, and he weaves them into a magnificent quilt of life. There are no pieces thrown away, because even the ugliest pieces of all that makes us who we are today, still eventually lead to the Lord.  Though, we have to release the baggage to God, we never lose the thoughts, the memories.  We carry all that with us to do one thing, bring Glory to our God.  We do that every day, as we walk through life with Him. So it does us well to know, there is no waiting- He uses us right here, right where we stand at any given moment! You are his billboard, his banner and His living advertisement of faith, mercy, forgiveness and love.  You are already here!