This word could probably be the definition of society today.

Well…most of society.

More space, more food, more time… the endless request for more is exhausting.

Let me tell you about the precious moments of the last month of my life. Moments that left me wanting more, wanting less and somewhere in between.

My daughter went into labor at 23 weeks in the beginning of April. Her water broke, and she was placed in the hospital under 24 hour care and bed rest. She fought long and hard for two weeks to keep the baby in there, and give her sweet daughter ‘more’ time to grow. But her body had decided it was time.

We’ve been down this micro-premie road before, as my four year old granddaughter made the EXACT same entrance, at the SAME EXACT time during the pregnancy. So we had certain expectations, though every experience is new and should be treated with delicate respect.

She was born on Resurrection Sunday!

She weighed 1.12 lb.

She can fit in our hand.

She wiggles nonstop, and has done remarkable from day one.

As we watch her fight and take this time to continue to develop and grow, life seems so very small, and in many ways, we value the idea of less. Because there she is, this tiny life, breathing on her own, taking in more and more calories daily,  and every day for her is about more, in ways most people on this earth will never know and can often, not imagine.

God gives us exactly what we need in this life. From the simple breath, to the sustenance only a mother can provide. God has made perfection exist in an imperfect world. But it is our responsibility to see it, to take it in and to cherish it as the gift it is. While we are so busy wanting more, His provision in every moment is all we need. Let’s not confuse the two.

Let’s not leave the blessing untouched, for it is meant for you and your heart- to simply give you more of Him.

I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

All are welcome and invited to take part in joining women around the world for Five Minute Friday! You will be given a prompt word then simply take five minutes of your day to write a heartfelt, authentic message (no need to edit) using that word!

You may not know the name, Amy Bleuel. She was the leader behind the “Project Semicolon” movement- a non-profit meant to help those dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, bipolar, anxiety, and other mental health illnesses. The focus on suicide prevention, with the tattoo of a semicolon- Reminding the world, my story is not over yet.

She was a social media phenomenon that took the message to a whole new level. She encouraged, uplifted, and was nothing but raw authenticity. I began following Amy a while back as I began my own personal journey to share hope and love as a believer living with bipolar disorder.

This past week, Amy took her own life. And the community is heartbroken.

As someone who has fought suicidal thoughts my entire life- something that I’m not real sure I’ve said out loud too often, or even on paper or a screen, I am saddened of the news. Saddened because I know exactly where she must have been in her mind, and what she felt, and of the black hole she was in. I am saddened that so many will be confused by her decision, but never really understand what it’s like to be there, in that moment. Too often what is left behind is what will define you forever.

I won’t allow it.

Amy tried with every ounce of love in her soul to bring awareness to a difficult subject. She wanted to help, in any way possible, for that someone out there, who saw no out, to know their story wasn’t finished, and to applaud every survivor dealing with this torment for having the courage to keep on going. That love for life is what will forever define her.

Let’s face it, it’s the taboo subject even in the year 2017. There is more compassion for mental awareness than I’ve ever seen in my lifetime, but there’s still the stigma, the jokes, the inappropriate comments, the fear, the lack of research and understanding.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I know where my hope comes from. God himself has seen me through some of the darkest days. Having done that, he is very aware of my where my mind and my heart meander. It’s God who holds me as I cry, it’s God who shares his Word with me when I’m lost, and it’s God alone that carries me when the wall of life erects itself around me, with a large sign that says ‘hopeless’- so don’t be fooled. I will never allow someone to define me based on bipolar, depression or anxiety- because I know, with every fiber of my being, that I am first and foremost HIS child, loved beyond my pain, and loved into wholeness. That relationship is what will always define me, and it will always define Amy.

RIP. Rest in peace....

“Despite the wounds of a dark past I was able to rise from the ashes, proving that the best is yet to come. When my life was filled with the pain of rejection, bullying, suicide, self-injury, addiction, abuse and even rape, I kept on fighting. I didn’t have a lot of people in my corner, but the ones I did have kept me going. In my 20 years of personally struggling with mental health I experienced many stigmas associated with it. Through the pain came inspiration and a deeper love for others. God wants us to love one another despite the label we wear. I do pray my story inspires others. Please remember there is hope for a better tomorrow.” –Amy Bleuel

When fear interjects into my heart,

And worry rules my day.

When life has torn the calm and beauty,

And taken stability away.

As knees are reddened, and legs made numb

From the rebellious stance I take,

With unceasing prayer, and mighty power,

My Father God, I’ll embrace.

You see,

The force within, the Spirit,

Now made fully known.

I embrace the glorious riches,

Of Jesus Christ, alone.

I’ll guard that which is within,

Embrace the strength inside.

Timidity a foreign concept..

Courage now resides.

When life seems overwhelming,

By the disappointments of man.

I’ll stand obediently stronger

To embrace His royal plan.

*Scripture reference:

2 Timothy 1:7, 14

Ephesians 3:14-19

 I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

All are welcome and invited to take part in joining women around the world for Five Minute Friday! You will be given a prompt word then simply take five minutes of your day to write a heartfelt, authentic message (no need to edit) using that word!

It’s a quiet, cold, and dark day in Colorado. We’ve gone from 70 degree weather to snow, and everyone is happy it’s Friday. We are all ready to reengage with winter, light the fires, and sip on steaming cups of hot cocoa. We’ve all said it today, as we slowly walk the hallways of the church.

I sit here in a quiet church, walking the halls with a slow step, concentrating on every picture in the hallway. I take an extra second in the Sanctuary as I look up at the cross and the stained glass windows that tell the Bible story. Sometimes, I think we must very slow in understanding how simple it all is.

God is here.

God sent is Son and the Holy Spirit so that wherever we are, there He will always be.

He doesn’t care about our political affiliations, which grocery store we shop at, if we eat at Chick-Fil-A on Saturday and Burger King on Sunday. He doesn’t care about the conversations we have during the week, as long as we take some time to talk to him. You are busy debating creation, I think he laughs, looking around going, why debate- it’s created.

We are slow. Slow to remember.

God just wants to be with you. He just wants to hear from you. From me. God knows life happens. He knows we have doubts and fears, and His Word tells us that he is here for us, through those doubts and fears! God knows. He knows our heart and our mind, and we hide nothing from him. We may think we do, but we don’t.

It’s a quiet day, and quiet days slow things down. When things slow down I can see life more clearly. I can clearly see that we all need to stop and remember- God is good, and he is here!

 I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

All are welcome and invited to take part in joining women around the world for Five Minute Friday! You will be given a prompt word then simply take five minutes of your day to write a heartfelt, authentic message (no need to edit) using that word!

I remember, vividly, receiving my first Bible.

I remember opening it and reading my first verse.

I was broken at that point, having lived a life of childhood sexual abuse. I had moved out, on my own, with my two kids, and thought I had finally found a safe place. How fast security is shattered.

I didn’t have much. In fact, we were considered poor. After a devastating head injury, my fiancée, a Golden Gloves boxer, collapsed in the ring with a head injury, and when he awoke from his coma a few weeks later, my life was flipped upside down. We had a brand new baby girl who was only a month old and a four year old- and I wasn’t even 20 years old. I was too young to make the mountains of challenges in our relationship work. I became a single mother in the blink of an eye.

It took me a few years to figure out how to manage my children and our lives. I worked, but being a cashier didn’t cut it, hosting at Applebees was appreciated, but I wanted more. I wasn’t above public assistance, and I fought to receive grants to get to college, any training! I had graduated high school early, against the odds for a teen mother. I knew I had to do something for my kids. The sacrifices we lived through for the year I was in tech school were well worth it. I thought I found a good path, I thought I was safe.

Since I didn’t work during this time, I was home more. One afternoon, while I was studying, I had a knock on my door. I peeked out the little hole and my stomach collapsed. There, at my door, was the man who terrorized, hijacked and stole my entire childhood. There was the vision of evil I had known since I was only a young girl. I quickly grabbed my children and we went to my room.

He didn’t leave. He stood there knocking for 45 minutes, and would show up at my door periodically for months. It was his game, his tactic to instill fear.

My little apartment that was all mine…my safe home, became my prison. He won.

I was scared of existing.

I was afraid of that man more than I ever knew. I’m not sure why he eventually chose to leave me alone, maybe since I never opened that door, but he eventually stopped returning.

That’s bring me to the point of receiving my first Bible, and reading my first verse.

Psalm 116

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.                                                                                                                                    The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”   (read the entire chapter of Psalm 116)

(I've reached five minutes, please hang out for a few more seconds!)

I don’t know if I’ve ever considered myself ‘safe’ in this world. I feel I lived my childhood as a sheep thrown to the wolves. I began life at the tender age of 15, as a mother. I was the textbook example for abuse victim, searching for love and belonging- just in all the wrong places.

But God’s Word, it saved me.

God’s love renewed me.

And God’s mercy redeemed me.

Only in His shelter did I find a safe place. People failed me time and again. This world abandoned me and ridiculed me, nearly destroyed me. But by the power of God Almighty, I survived. I found hope and my future.

A SAFE future.

Share God’s Word with those you think may never want to read it.

Share the Word because it may be the only glimpse of safe they see.

My apologies for running over this week.. it was only a few more minutes!

 I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

All are welcome and invited to take part in joining women around the world for Five Minute Friday! You will be given a prompt word then simply take five minutes of your day to write a heartfelt, authentic message (no need to edit) using that word!