If I had to use one word to describe myself, real would be the one. I’m real with my kids, real in my faith and real throughout my life. I’ve not hidden the facts of my life. I can’t. Those facts are the fabric of all I am.  I am engaging on a journey to trust the Lord in placing me just where he needs me, to share His amazing love, power and freedom with a part of the world that may not always look to the Lord first.

Bipolar disorder strikes about 2.6% of the U.S population. It is a vicious disorder, which can tear apart a person, family, relationships and shred the hope we are meant to have. I have now lived with this disorder since I was a teenager. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 20’s but know, even back then, I was living with bipolar.

I pray for a nation today, to drop the stigma’s and preconceived ideas of what bipolar looks like. I pray for the church to openly discuss this real disorder and to find ways to support those who strive to grow in their faith while dealing with it. I pray for God to use me to be a voice in an arena desperately needing inspiration, and jump start their hope that God loves them, right where they are, smack dab in the middle of bipolar disorder! I pray for doors to be opened and opportunities to share my real life with that real world that may be hiding out of fear of no one understanding them, or fear that they won’t be accepted, or a fear that this isn’t something God wants to deal with.

People today have a short attention span. I know when it comes to mental disorders, people will start out by being helpful, but quickly throw up their hands when they ‘think’ they see the affected person, “not helping themselves”.  We all want to be better, we all want to be in your framework of normal, this is the real us, fighting to live in a world that doesn’t understand what our real is.

Pray for my eyes to be ever watchful for God’s opportunities, and for those doors to open that I may enter into this ministry prepared by God himself to do so! <insert a strong arm here because I declare this boldly>

Join me in praying for mental health awareness, for those supporting people in crisis and those in the middle of the crisis. Together we can make so much happen in this world…pray for each other!

 That is being a real Christian!

I was introduced to this amazing interactive party on July 18, 2014- and I absolutely fell in love with the idea!

I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung, who recently took over for the creator of Five Minute Friday (link below) for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

To my fellow believing family...

As a Christian, the word gather means so much. We come together to honor, praise and worship or amazing God- we gather. I have to admit, there are times this word freaks me out!

Let me explain..

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder- a difficult thing for many to understand, and even harder to discuss, especially and unfortunately, in the world of believers. It comes with a stigma, no matter what people want to believe. Luckily, the stigma, the looks, the uncertainty,  don’t bother me.

There are times I want nothing more than to be gathered with my Christian family. I want to share the experiences of worshipping God with others because I’m just so excited and long to share in that joy!!

Other times, the quieter times, those times where darkness has moved in, I struggle. Though I want to gather with you, it is as though the shackles of fear have been placed on my ankles and I am attached to an invisible wall. Forces I can’t explain attempt to hold me in places I don’t want to be.

I cry with Jesus, for the barriers to be broken, the mountain of doubts to be removed and the chains to be severed.  I choose to worship alone during these times. I gather there, with my Jesus...and it's beautiful. I know that God is with me, and he and I make the journey back, He always helps me back. 

What I find when all has been released, when the darkness lifts, is a distance between you and I. I’ve not found my place yet. I’ve not made the connections for fear of loss and let down that I’ve experienced in my past. While I heal back to a point where I can gather with you, I feel so far away. This isn’t your fault, please know, I’m not trying to blame. I don’t have an answer, I’m just sharing the heart of a bipolar Christian..in hopes someone might understand who may need to understand.

I’ve probably went there a million times. I close my eyes, peeling back the layers of memories one by one, until I arrive. There are so many debris fields that I have to walk carefully. And as I make the journey, I smile, I cry, I cringe..for the memories are speckled in many colors, some dark and some brilliantly bright. There, at the far end is my favorite place to visit. The beginning.

He was my everything. Taken to soon, and with no forewarning. One day he was there, the next he was gone. My grandfather. He spoiled me, cared for me and loved me. He’s the only one I remember in those first four years of my life. Well him and the many aunts and uncles that all lived on the same street; all with gardens in the backyard, with beautiful ornaments adorning their homes, special fancy candies in crystal dishes. These are the beginning years of my life, and for the longest time, they were the happiest, the most comfortable and my most cherished.

I stay and linger in the garden of my memory- I desperately hold on to the fragments I can still see. Boxes of chocolate covered cherries, lupini beans soaking in the sink, a daily breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast and a cup of coffee. I remember my rocking horse on springs, my old peddle car, and many cats living in the shed out back. I stay and visit and wish to see him there, to hear his voice, to know he’s proud. Does he know he was the only man I would ever fully trust?

I have never let him go. Perhaps his presence deep in my heart was what drove me onward when abuse, tragedy, and life circumstances hit. I have spent near 40 years visiting my beloved grandfather in thought, in memory. I longed for something to fill the void, for that love and security I only had with him.

It was at the age of 22 that I realized what I cried out for would never be found here on earth, for it does not exist. That’s the year Jesus stood next to me as I sang along to “Amazing Grace”. That’s the moment I knew, while I may visit my grandfather in memory..

 I will live daily in Christ, for eternity. 

I was introduced to this amazing interactive party on July 18, 2014- and I absolutely fell in love with the idea!

I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung, who recently took over for the creator of Five Minute Friday (link below) for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

I’ve spent so much time in my life closing doors to the past, that I truly feared opening new ones today. Abuse took a toll on my heart, and perhaps it seemed easier to keep this tender heart locked tight and closed. While it may have been some odd strategy for someone with a history like mine, it limited what God could do, and when I found Jesus, limits weren’t something I wanted to shove in my Father’s face!

Yet, for many years, I’ve shied away from what I believe, is God’s plan for my life. Fear of the unknown, fear of being known, or fear of not knowing enough. Whatever it was, it held me back.

 In 2014, I made the courageous decision to step out and join God in his plan, a plan that can use my story for his beautiful and amazing glory.

You see, there are many people out there, and maybe not all of them have the same exact life story as I, but we have many of the same feelings of shame, pain, fear, hopelessness, doubt, anger and confusion (to name a few). Someone out there is struggling with parts of their past that have held them for so long, they can’t even fathom a way to release the grip.

I believe God has not only helped me release the junk, but He has planted a gift in my heart to share his unfailing love with others. A love that is unlike anything we will ever experience here on this earth. He has placed a power deep inside me that is beyond words, a power to share, to scream from the mountaintop, “Look what God has done, what he can do!” A power that truly is fueled by courage, courage that comes from trust and a trust that comes from believing.

I chose to walk through the door that was left open intentionally for me. If I close my eyes, I see my daddy up ahead, smiling at me, beaming with intense love, saying, “Come on, Lisa, we can do this!”

And we will.

I was introduced to this amazing interactive party on July 18, 2014- and I absolutely fell in love with the idea!

I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung, who recently took over for the creator of Five Minute Friday (link below) for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/

Keep my heart, Father God.

Keep it close to you.

For when my steps wander far,

Your arms will pull me through.

Keep my words, mighty God,

Locked without a sound,

Only spoken in gentle care,

His tender love abounds.

Keep my thoughts, Lord above,

Intertwined, you too me.

First I'll seek you,

Before I even think.

Keep my hands, this I pray,

For work you call me to..

Let them not be idle,

But busy in all we do.

                          And keep my soul, my heavenly King..

                                      My song, my all, I bring

                                                So when I stumble, which will come..

                                                               The days will surely be…

                                                                          There within my Father’s love,

                                                                                          A daughter He will keep.

I was introduced to this amazing interactive party on July 18, 2014- and I absolutely fell in love with the idea!

I invite you to visit the website of Kate Motaung, who recently took over for the creator of Five Minute Friday (link highlighted above) for full details and rules (well the one rule).

http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/